Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Eeep. I'm how old?

There is something slightly insane about the madcap gaiety surrounding birthdays. We're all wahooing and singing out in joy at being one year closer to the finish line? Normally, i detest my birthdays. Completely, thoroughly abhor them and try to slink past them will little or no fanfare.  I decided this year to turn over a new birthday leaf and jump into the whole "Yay me!" shenanigans with both feet. I figured I might actually enjoy the day if i did. But i woke up this morning with the exact same "aw fuck, it's my birthday again" thought. Only it's a little worse .... because I danced around with the happy face the last several days, so I have to now keep it firmly in place ALL DAY and hope it does crack my makeup.
Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. yay me.

Yesterday i survived the governmental nightmare which is the DMV so i could renew my drivers' license. It was Service Line Hell. Window two said "express renewal." I waited there until they told me i had to go thru window nine first. Window 9 sent me back to window 2, which had me fill out paperwork and then sent me to window one where i had to pay and then wait for window four which didn't need to see me after all and told me to wait for window three where i finally collected my brand-spanking-new license. I had to confirm all the info was correct at window four though before they would let me leave. I staggered out of there grateful that i don't have to do it again for ten years.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Samuel Johnson in his Dictionary defines seeksorrow as "One who contrives to give himself vexation," i.e. self-tormentor, in Greek heauton timoroumenos.


I am both the wounded and the knife,
both the blow and the cheek,
the limbs and the rack,
the victim and the torturer.

I am my own heart's vampire,
one of the thoroughly abandoned,
condemned to eternal laughter,
but who can never smile again.

Baudelaire's L'Héautontimorouménos

Lakota said...

i like that last stanza especially Anon. I have definitely felt like my own heart's vampire at times. And not just when standing in line. :P