Conflicted

I waste a ridiculous amount of energy on being conflicted. Sometimes it feels like a tiger pacing inside, unable to decide between door one and door two, or no doors at all. And yeah - i know i just totally fucked with Lady and Tiger analogy. Pffft. I like mine better.

I was thinking this weekend, that there is a thin line between illusion and disillusionment. I tried to come up with something clever using "dis," but it wouldn't come to me. Like so many other things lately, it remained just out of reach.

I'm looking for something, I guess, but I don't know what it is... which pretty much assures I'll never find it. Or maybe it is just that there have been a few too many disappointments lately. I'm normally an optimistic person, but recently my otherside - the dark, sceptical one, seems to be manning the helm.

Maybe i just need to pick a fucking door and damn the consequences.

As if I could ever do that.